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fulfilling, though unproductive weekend...leads to much pondering

fulfilling, though unproductive weekend...leads to much pondering

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I just got done taking a nice little nap, and will have to get ready for bowling in a little bit. This morning I woke up at a decent time, ate, did the dishes, and made Tj take out the trash. Later on after some ruckus, we took a shower and walked to McD's for lunch. That's one thing that I'm going to miss with whatever apartment that we decide to move into, it just want to as convenient to get to things like that anymore.

Last night we saw "Push" at the dollar theater, not a bad movie. Stopped by the evil walmart before going home. I picked up more hairclips (better ones that are both smaller and more secure in my bun at the same time, which is awesome, but doesn't make any sense to me right now), Fiber Choice tablets because I'm going to add them to my health regiment for colon health (more on that later), and also Osteo Bi-Flex supplements for joint health. Since taking Yoga, and trying to improve my flexibility among other things, I'm tried of popping and cracking and want not. Plus, considering my family health history, early prevention is the best alternative I see at this point.

My life at this point is super focused it seems on health, happiness, and spirituality, which naturally are interconnected, and quite naturally have been neglected for far too long in my life. The Gods that I deal with don't mess around once you ask them for help. And once they're serious about something, you sure as hell better be. Luckily, I'm game for this task, and I think that because I've proven that to them this time, they're backing me and pushing me ten fold. This is a good thing - overwhelming, amazing, but good. The path that I began on the Equinox has taken me on a wildly unexpected journey it seems, but because I love adventures, I can do nothing but take a hold of it and see where it take me. The destination at this point isn't all that important to me, it's the journey itself that I'm at turns excited about, satisfied with, and confused about. It began with me just wanting to be healthy. During the equinox, that I spent with my mom (because it also happens to be my birthday), we did a ritual where I asked for a birthday gift, so to speak. I asked for help becoming healthy and whole, I asked for help from a number of different Gods for a number of different things. I was both very specific and very vague at the same time though, because I mostly asked just to be find wholeness. And it would seem that I'm in the process of getting what I've asked for. Still, I know that this isn't something that I'm just being given because I asked for help finally like a good little girl. I'm working for this, in very real and difficult ways, and because of that, it's adding very real power to it, that I've been very unaccustomed to for a very long time. I know that I'm saying very a lot, but it's to emphasize this disconcerted feeling that I'm currently dealing with. I guess that what is difficult for me to adjust to is taking such an active participation with the present. I know that this probably doesn't make much sense to most of you, but I've always kind of just...slid through life. I've never really concerned myself much with the present, always spending life in a cocoon of sorts, surrounded by this life that I've constructed mostly out of daydreams for the future and remembrance of the past. It's weird for me to live with my feet on the ground and actually enjoy it. It's not easy, but I'm enjoying it for what it is, and letting it take its course.

Today when I woke from my nap, I was thinking of the Grove. I'd been dreaming about being with my grovemates, but in my dream, it was like I was back in time, to the way things were before. I could feel the sun shining down on us, feel my energy flowing with theirs, could feel that connection that I got when the Gods when I was with them that was always so different from my own connection when alone. When I woke up, I went straight to the computer to and went to the 3CG website. While catching up on what's been going on with the Grove, I was both proud of them, and dismayed. I realized that they weren't mine anymore...I'm not a member of the grove anymore, my grove, the grove as I know it, no longer exists. I know this in my mind, it makes sense in my head, but my heart grieved for what I had once known. I know that I could start over....find a place there, a homecoming....it's something that I'm giving thought to, but I don't know where this journey is taking me, and I don't want to get ahead of myself. I had to remind myself, and am still reminding myself, to take everything has it come, and if it's meant, then so be it, but I'm being pulled to so many things right now, and none of of them seem to fit neatly into something that sustains rather take takes away. I need to focus on becoming whole first, of becoming refilled with energy and everything else....then I'll figure out where to use that energy. Until then, I'll just float on the present - which is completely different from sliding through it.
  • Like all groves of trees, none stays the same through all seasons. We're more Norse now than we were when you were involved, doing several rites a year to those gods and goddesses. We're larger, with many more new faces. We're getting together more socially, doing more rituals, studying more. We are, indeed, very different as we move through this season, but the roots are strong and they reach the same waters and the leaves turn to the same bright sun.

    I know that time away can often make you think you've entered a different grove, like some of the trees you remember are no longer there, but they are. . . you just need to find what you remember and enjoy the discovery of the new elements, seeds dropped by birds and dogs and wayfaring strangers who come from far away and leave their own marks, as you have left your own.
    • you analogies never cease to inspire, Mike. :) How was Trillium?
      • Awesome. Look for a review soon ;)

        (I'm used to thinking of the Grove metaphorically. . . I really can sometimes see us growing on a hilltop someplace, changing with the years and the seasons. . . tended by that gardener who has always kept us so well. . .)
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